Everybody loves the Reader
by DontOpenTheBox
Summary: Cracky one-shots about hetalia characters loving on the reader. I'm warning you, they'll be weird. First one is AmericaXReader. I hope you like it!
1. America X Reader

Hello, everyone! I'm glad you're reading this and wanted to remind you all that just because the reader is very, very strange doesn't mean that I'm trying to make fun of anyone's reader X nation stories whatsoever. I actually love reading them, but figured I would put a cracky twist onto the reader X nation genre for hetalia fans. Thanks for reading!

Also, I own nothing mentioned in the story. I'm too broke to own anyone or anything.

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'It was another great and wonderful day to be an american!' thought (reader) as she walked down the streets of her hometown. At least, I believe reader is female because that's who this particular story is targeted towards. Anyway, in order to keep the writer from breaking the fourth wall as much as possible, our heroine decided to head to her favorite restaurant. Considering she was an american, it's pretty obvious what that was now wasn't it?

"Aw yeah! This is my jam!" She heard as she made her way into the restaurant she loved so dearly. She turned her head to the cause of the disturbance, which was none other than a very attractive man who had decided to twerk in the middle of T.G.I Friday's.

What, you thought they were at McDonalds?

Shame on you.

Anyway, (reader) became mesmerized by the man's badonkadonk. The poppin' of his booty was almost too much to handle, but eventually she snapped out of it and realized the man was none other than her friend Alfred.

"Twerk it boy! Own that!" She yelled as he continued twerking all up in that food establishment. Sadly, the song ended and he had to stop which gave you the opportunity to go up and talk to him.

"Dang, boy! I didn't know you had that in you!" (reader) said as she smacked Alfred's behind. He jumped and turned, but smiled when he realized who it was.

"Hey! (reader's name)! Why didn't you join me when you came in? We would have twerked this place up!" He said as he slung an arm around your shoulder. (reader) smiled and nudged him off of her.

"I may be bold, but not _that_ bold. You'd have to convince me somehow." She noticed something in her friend's eyes changed as she ended her sentence. It looked like he really wanted to eat something. Weird.

"I see what you mean." He said as he leaned in for a kiss. Sadly, (reader) was more in the mood for eating and not in the mood for kissing. She quickly put her hand over his mouth to stop him.

"Not so fast boy, buy me something to eat first, then we'll kiss and twerk around this whole city." He gave (reader) a huge wolf-like grin and they both sat down to get some food.

"What just happened?" Said generic waiter.

"Not sure, but that twerking was hot!" Added generic waitress.

Then they both got yelled at for not working.

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Sorry, not sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I hope you liked it.

I can make more if you did.

_Please don't hate me._


	2. England X Reader

Hey, everyone! I figured I'd make another one! Huzzah for poor judgement and caffeine!

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Today was a lovely day for reader to be alive. For one, she was able to listen to her favorite songs over and over and over again for hours on end.

_And I was like, Baby-_

Reader jolted from her position on the bed when the sound of a gunshot rang throughout the story.

That's what stupid author gets for bringing up _that _song.

"Was that a gunshot?" said a particularly large set of eyebrows that walked into your room. What shocked you is the fact that these eyebrows seemed to be attached to a human that you cared for deeply.

"Yeah, the author was killed for playing _that_ song."

"Well, author must have had it coming."

"How are we supposed to have a reader insert story without an author? Seriously, we're pretty much screwed over now."

"I'm sure something good should happen. Who knows, maybe we'll have gotten married, had three children, and be living on a farm by the end of this fic."

"Why a farm? And wouldn't that be moving a little fast?"

"Yes, yes it would."

Before you could mention that he didn't answer your question about the farm, you found yourself in a wedding dress at an alter with England and his eyebrows at your side.

"Well that was quick." He whispered.

"Something feels off about this dress." You whispered back, not caring that the pastor at the alter had already started speaking.

"Mawwiage, mawwiage is what..." He began. Really? We got the one from Princess Bride? This is just wack.

"I object! I love (reader's name)!" Yelled a man in the congregation. He stood and made his way to the front of the church.

"Oh dear god, why?" You said as you realized who he was. France, of all people was trying to crash your wedding. You guessed it was solely the fact that it was England's as well, but you didn't really care anymore because you facepalmed so hard you began to black out.

"Really, frogface, you have to do this now?"

"But of course! I cannot allow this union to take place and have poor (reader's name) be bound to you until death."

"I object both of you, because I'm the hero!" Oh freaking god, of course America joined in the fight. You felt like you needed a drink at this point. That's when you realized why the dress seemed so different. You lifted the bottom up to find that there was beer stored on the inside of your dress. God does care! You pulled out two of them and gave one to the pastor before opening your own.

You stood and waited until the fight between the three nations was over and drank your beer with the pastor. A few falcon punches were thrown, kamehameha's heard, and lazers shot before it all ended. Fortunately, England won the fight (his eyebrows have skills), but he was barley conscious.

"You alright?" You said as you went over to where he was laying. You set him up against a wall and pulled out a tissue pack (which you stored in the bodice of the dress just in case something stupid like this happened((which is amazing since you didn't know you would be getting married today(((look at all the parenthesis I'm using((((I don't even know how to spell that word))))and dabbed at the blood with it.

"I'll be alright, do you still want to get married?" he asked. He looked so tired from his fight, but he managed to give you a small smile. You cupped his face in your hands and looked into his eyes before replying.

"I do."

Then you two kissed as the crowed began to go into hysterics. Italy was crying, Germany was drinking some of that dress beer you had, and the other guests just wondered what just happened in their lives.

At least nobody would forget the wedding.

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_I swear i need better things to do with my life_

But until that happens, I guess I'll keep writing this. It's way too hard to stop being crazy at this point.

I hope you all liked my insanity.


	3. Romano X Reader

Hello again! Still not sick of me yet? I'm surprised. Anyway, thank you to all who have reviewed and liked this series so far. I hope I don't fail to make your day just a little bit weirder.

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'Where in the world is the bathroom in this house?' thought the lovely reader as she opened another door. Sadly, no bathroom was found on the other side. It was just another alternate dimension again. The reader was not amused by the crazed laughter of the people from this dimension. It must have been the one where everyone was a pyromaniac.

"Burn it all, son! Burn it to the ground!" Shouted one woman at her child.

"But mommy, I don't want to burn everything! I want to be a dentist!"

"You'll burn it, and you'll like it!"

The reader slammed the door shut and continued her search. Why does that always happen when the reader needs to pee? Mostly because the author is upset about dying last chapter. The reader opened the next door and came face-to-face with none other than Romano. They both just stood and stared at each other for a while in complete silence. Then the reader remembered she had to pee, so she shut the door and continued wandering around the house.

'How in the world did I even get in this place? Seriously, I was reading fan fiction and then I had to pee.'

"Hey! (reader's name)!" Shouted the cheerful Spanish man as he jogged toward you.

"What?"

"Have you seen Romano? I missed him."

"He was in the closet."

"What? Literally or figuratively?"

"Literally, but before you go, can you help me find a bathroom?"

"Oh, si! Just three doors down on the left."

"Thanks man."

"No problem, mi amiga! Meet us in the kitchen when you're done!"

He jogged away and down to the closet. The reader was surprised that he knew which one he was talking about, but didn't press the issue since her full bladder was screaming for a bathroom. It was in a literal sense, of course. That thing gets loud when it needs something.

"I freaking heard you already, shut up." Reader said as she finally made it to the bathroom. Now since I know all the perverts out there would _love _for me to describe this moment, I won't. Mostly because that's freaking disgusting. Once she had finished her business, she wandered around some more before entering the kitchen.

"Hahaha, burn! Burn it all!" Yelled that child from the pyromaniac dimension from earlier. How in the world did they get out? Probably because the reader didn't lock the door. Good job, reader.

"Yeah! That's my baby! Time to wreak this dimension!" With that, the two of them walked out the kitchen and left the house. What surprised the reader was how quickly the boy had changed. One minute he didn't want to burn things, the next minute he was setting other dimensions ablaze.

They grow up so fast.

"Holy **[censored]**, Spain! We need to put out the fire!" yelled Romano, our love interest for this one-shot.

"Right, right...how do we do that again?"

"What the **[censored][censored][censored]**,Spain, are you high right now?"

"Oh yeah! Stop, drop and roll!" The reader stood and watched as Spain got on the ground and began to roll around on the floor. Romano began yelling profanities that would make sailors blush, but since it was all censored all anyone would hear were beeps. The reader just stood there and looked around with a bored expression.

"I bet it was the tequila." She chimed in over the sound of the censoring. Romano sighed and called the fire department while the reader tried to convince Spain to go outside of the house with her. The fire department came and lectured the group about how having a portal to a dimension of pyromaniacs is a definite fire hazard before putting out the fire. The reader and Romano watched as they put it out while thinking that there wouldn't have been as much damage if they hadn't taken so much time complaining about the dimension portals beforehand. Whatever, poor judgement for the win.

"Hey, Romano."

"What?"

"Is it hot in there, or is it just you?"

"Were you trying to be smooth, (reader's name)?"

"Depends, did it work?"

"No."

"Crap."

"If it's any consolation, I think you're pretty adorable when you fail."

"Shut up and kiss me, you fool."

"As you wish." Romano leaned in toward you for a gentle kiss, which you accepted. As you both pulled away, there was the sound of a wolf-whistle and a few Spanish cat calls. The reader sighed as the censoring noise started back up thanks to Romano.

Either way, the reader still couldn't remember how she got here.

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Well, that's that! I hope you liked it.


	4. Japan X Reader

Hello! I'm going to have to take more time to write these now that I'm having more come up. Being busy and loving a fandom takes a lot of time! Anyway, here you go!

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"Oh sweet great grandma of Mary Jane! Look at that!" Shouted a random bystander in the amusement park the reader was visiting. The reader looked to where the person was pointing and saw the most terrifying roller coaster she had ever seen before in her life. Then she heard a loud smack coming from the area of the random bystander.

"Ow! What?"

"Don't ever say that name again!" said random bystander two.

"What name?"

"The M name."

"Oh, why?"

"Just don't!"

"Ma-"

"No."  
"Ma-"

"Stop it now!"

"Mary Jane!"

"That's it! I am gonna make you eat those words!"

"I can say what I want!" The second bystander grabbed the words that were written for dialogue for bystander one and began to chase said bystander with the words.

"Get back over here so I can force feed them to you!"

"Never!"

"Who's Mary Jane?" Asked Japan.

"Nobody I want to talk about right now. How about we ride that roller coaster!" Said the reader. Japan took one look at the thing and felt like vomiting, but he didn't want to disappoint the reader so he got in line with her anyway. Soon they were ready to get on and ride what may be the last roller coaster of their lives.

"Whoo hoo! This is going to be so fun!" Said the reader. The roller coaster began it's trek up to the top of the first dip.

"T-this is pretty high." Japan began to tremble a little at how little the people below were getting. He could still see the bystanders bickering about Paula Dean.

"Yeah it is!" The reader was having a blast, but as they got higher, she began to get a bit nervous herself.

"Hey, (reader's name)."

"Yeah?"

"If we don't make it, I want you to know that I really, really like you. More than a friend." He said as a cute little blush appeared on his face.

"Wha-" And then came the drop. Numerous cuss words came out of the reader's mouth as the ride started. The people around her weren't much better.

"Oh god, why?" yelled one woman in particular.

"What diety are you asking?" yelled a man in the seat behind her.

"Does it matter? Whatever deity that will get me off of this roller coaster to hell!"

"Oh, so that's where this thing goes!" said some emo kid in the seat behind the reader.

"That explains so much!" said the man from before.

"Is everyone on this ride retarded!" the woman practically screeched.

"Hey! Don't you insult us mentally handicapped!" yelled another person.

"Yeah! What he said!"

"I am a woman!"

The screams of each of the people continued, and the reader couldn't help but wonder why such a huge argument had started on a _roller coaster _of all things.

After all the loops and spins and craziness, it finally came to an end and the reader and Japan managed to get off the ride.

Of course, that didn't prevent the arguing of the people who were on the ride with you both.

"You all suck!"

"So did your mother!"

"My mother was a saint!"

"Isn't that a bit too sexual for the rating on this story?"

"Nah, it's rated T! I'm sure our readers won't care."

"Yeah sure, that's what you say now. Later, we get taken off for our horrible jokes!"

"If anything, you'd be the reason we get taken off simply because of your existence."

As the arguing continued, the reader began to ignore everyone except Japan, who looked terrible at the moment. She decided to try to start up at least one friendly conversation in this godforsaken amusement park."Hey, Japan-" was all the reader managed to say before Japan vomited in the trash can next to him.

"Never mind, I'll tell you later."

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Well, I don't think that's as funny as the others. I'm having a bit of mental block. Either way, I hope you all like it! I really enjoy writing these.

_love me dang it!_

_...please?_


	5. China X Reader

Hello! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write this chapter. I'm beginning to run out of ideas. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it! If you have anyone you want to see in this, don't hesitate to tell me in a review!

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The forest you and China were walking through was _interesting_.

"Dude, like, what is that?"

"I don't know, but it tastes great!"

"Don't eat it! What if it's poisoned?"

"Then I guess I should have had you eat it first."

Yes, very interesting indeed.

"China, this forest is terrifying. Can we _please_ go home." You hated it here considering everyone you had run into so far was weirder than the stories you'd read on . And that's saying something since you like this series.

"No! We have to find all of the things on the list first!" China continued his trek through the woods with you following shortly behind him. You really, really wanted to just go home and cuddle or something at this point, but he was insisting on continuing all of this nonsense. The whole scavenger hunting contest theme the author had set you up on wasn't helping anything whatsoever.

"What are we even looking for?" You asked.

"Probably something stupid."

"You don't even know!"

"I lost the list and the map like ten minutes ago."

"Dang it, China!"

"Either way, we will find everything and win this competition!"

_2 hours later_

"We're gonners!" you yelled as the bear you and China had encountered stood to it's full height.

"No. Not. Today."

China proceeded to beat down the bear that was about to tear the two of you to pieces. You aren't exactly sure how he did it with only a wok on hand, but whatever.

"So now what, China? Uh..." Apparently, he'd been busy creating a few Chinese restaurants out in the wilderness you two were in. How resourceful.

"Come and eat with me! The food here is delicious!"

"What in the world..."

"Don't stand there like a retarded baby panda!" As he said these words, you felt the power of your annoyance and love pull you toward the asian man.

"Well, at least we can eat together."

"I know this didn't go how you wanted it, but at least we got to spend time together!"

"True that." You both ate the delicious food China had managed to prepare from a restaurant in the middle of the forest.

Just pray it isn't poisoned.

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So this one was not so good, please don't slaughter me for the lack of humor throughout the thing.


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